This made me laugh

He might have converted to Metric ?

 

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1peHt...-draw-bicycle-from-memory-and-renders-results

 

http://twistedsifter.com/videos/an-sr-71-blackbird-pilot-recounts-his-infamous-la-speed-check-story/

 

Well, that was fun, Sprinter

Once upon a time, when we still had visitors in the cockpit, there was this little boy being more or less pushed in by the flight attendant.
He was a very quiet lad. Took his time looking at all the dials, not asking any questions.
Then my colleague turned around and asked him jovially: "So son, do you also want to become a pilot?"
The boy looked at him, aroused from his contemplation, and said:

"No, but my brother, the lazy twat..."

 

Now though, I have a good reason to celebrate it as well, Wayne!
Cheers!

 

Ooooooh bugger!

 

We should have a guess the bike competition

 

Or a (sewer) Rat Bike

 

BAGPIPES

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the South Carolina back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost...it's a man thing.

 

Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
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Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
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Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
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Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawn mower.
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Q. If lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.
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Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
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Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
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Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
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Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
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Q. Why are bagpipers' fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
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Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
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Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
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Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
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Q. How do you get two bagpipers to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
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Did you hear about the bagpiper who parked his car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his bagpipes in the back seat?
He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the car!
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Overheard at a bagpipe recital – “At least there’s nae smell…”
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It’s said that bagpipes sound better at a distance. Something in the order of 300 yards…
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The Irish gave the Scots the Bagpipes, and they (the Scots) still haven't seen the joke.
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As mentioned by a colleague, “My late father played the Uillean pipes. Not well, but not painfully either. He was no Davy Spillane, I'll admit. But then Davy Spillane is not my dad...”
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Heck of a weapon in the right hands, the bagpipes.
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There are some that refer to the bagpipes as “Agony Bags”.

 

Me thinks we should not have named this elephant, "Randy". Other captions ?