This made me laugh

The cartoon below is only for the mature person, so that pretty much covers you bunch of old farts !!!!

 

Time for a take away I think

 

This might have been posted before but here goes.

There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter...

Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose

 

I refereed a women's football match yesterday.
It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong....

 

Saw this and thought of you -
@littleade @Tigcraft

 

Which one is the one standing

 

Got an email from the gf last night, 'myspacebarhasstoppedworkingcanyoucomehomeandgivemeanalternative?'

'sure', I replied.

So i was driving home when I couldn't help wondering 'What the hell is a ternative??'

 

Eric or Ade !!!

 

Just finished with the girlfriend.

"You'll never find anyone like me!" was the last thing she said to me

I stood there with a smile on my face & a shovel in my hand and said "hopefully neither will anyone else"

 

While riding one day, a biker met a Farmer riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside.
The biker began a conversation . . . .
• Biker: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
• Farmer: "Dogs don't talk."
• Biker: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
• Dog: "Doing' alright."
• Farmer: Look of shock.
• Biker: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the farmer.
• Dog: "Yep."
• Biker: "How does he treat you?"
• Dog: "Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, & takes me to the river once a week."
• Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
• Biker: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
• Farmer: "Horses don't talk."
• Biker: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
• Horse: "Cool."
• Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
• Biker: "Is this your owner? " pointing at the Farmer.
• Horse: "Yessiree Bob."
• Biker: "How's he treating you?"
• Horse: "Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
• Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
• Biker: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
• Farmer: "Don't believe a F***ing Word That sheep Says... It's a liar!"

 

What have George Michael and a Wellington boot got in common?

They both get sucked off in bogs.


Too soon ????

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-40792962

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-40802908

 

where i shall be trying several pints of ale of friday evening. I'll let you know if they're still getting ordinated.